


‘i miss you’

by kyballs



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Childhood Trauma, Eventual Happy Ending, Fight Aftermath, Hurt/Comfort, Long Term Relationship, M/M, Make up sex, POV Multiple, Rin is a great friend, Sad and Happy, SouMako - Freeform, Sousuke had a bad childhood, adult au, bartender!sousuke, mushy ending :P, mutual post-breakup pining, not just porn, student!makoto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-01-04 19:40:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18350378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyballs/pseuds/kyballs
Summary: He finally drug himself to his Tuesday morning class, knowing he couldn’t push school work off, still wearing Sousuke’s clothes. He was still comforted by the smell of the other man that lingered on collar of the sweatshirt, it’s the only thing getting him through his lecture, he thinks.orevery relationship has its ups and downs, Makoto thinks about his and Sousuke’s after an argument.





	1. Makoto

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to ‘Somebody That I Used to Know’ and i started thinking of how gross post break ups can be even if you end up getting back together, thus this story was born. The amount of time I put into this story is actually a lot for me and I’m pretty proud of how it came out. 
> 
> I’ve also realized that I am most definitely an angst writer after this, bless up.

It had taken weeks for Makoto to finally get back in the swing of things after the break up, he had been dating Sousuke for almost 2 years before they had ended on bad terms, after all.

He had spent many nights sleeplessly tossing and turning in their bed thinking about the screaming match that led to the end of the two of them. He spent days lying in bed, even skipped his Monday classes, trying to think of what he could have done to have made that night end differently.

Sousuke had been at fault but, he had been too. He wasn’t used to getting into fights with his boyfriend, he didn’t know how to control the words coming out of his mouth.

 

* * *

 

The look on Sousuke’s face is what stopped him dead, after Makoto said he didn’t love him anymore. He’d never once seen Sousuke this upset, so much pain and heartbreak in his eyes as they scrunched shut. Sousuke began to tremble, the room felt about 5 degrees cooler at the sudden stand still. He just stared at his boyfriends face, wanting to put the words back down his throat. He stood frozen in place, watching Sousuke fight the tears that were trying to fall from his lashes. He had never seen Sousuke look this torn up, he couldn’t believe he just caused it.

“I didn’t mean…” Makoto was backtracking, trying to process how in the world that everything escalated to this. He just stared at Sousuke blankly, not knowing how to make any of this better.

“Didn’t mean it? Why would you ever lie about that?” Sousuke’s low voice rumbled with a somber undertone, still trying to keep himself from crying. “Why the hell would you say that if it wasn’t true? Is it just because you don’t want to be alone, is that why you’re with me then?”

Sousuke sounded broken, completely dejected. Makoto still couldn’t bring himself to speak, afraid he would say something stupid again.

“I think it’s best if we end this right now, to avoid either of us getting hurt anymore than we already are.” Sousuke said grabbing his jacket off of the back of the sofa, grabbing his house keys soon after.

“Sousuke please!” he begged trying to get his boyfriend to stay, at least for a few more minutes. He knew as soon as the door to the apartment closed that it was actually over.

 

* * *

 

He cried himself to sleep that night, he and Sousuke’s cat Mochi licked the tears off of his face and meowed at him when he finally felt his eyelids getting heavy. Mochi curled into his neck as Makoto pulled a sheet over his shaking body.

He woke up to a text message from their friend Rin, who was home from Australia over the winter break. Apparently Rin had opened his door to find a drunk Sousuke, face stained with fresh tears, in the middle of the night.

He read the text message and thought about reaching out to Sousuke, to talk things through when they weren’t both so emotional but, he decided against it and shut his phone off. He was still too emotional to talk rationally about this, he probably always would be. He still couldn’t believe the words that came out of his mouth last night.

 

* * *

 

It started when Makoto made an offhand comment about Sousuke coming to Makoto’s family vacation the following spring. Sousuke had reacted poorly to this, claiming that he had no interest. To Makoto, the words were filled with venom, harsher than Sousuke had ever been to him. He pushed again, still hurt by his boyfriend’s blatant disregard of his suggestion, asking Sousuke one more time to come with them.

“I don’t really think you’ll want me hanging around you guys the whole time. I think it’s too much time together.” He flinched at his boyfriend’s poorly worded reply, which hadn’t gone unnoticed by Sousuke.

“I just mean that, you know, what if during all this time spent together you and your family find out something about me and you don’t want me there anymore? You’ll just be stuck with me wishing you’d never invited me in the first place.”

Sousuke was a very independent person, he kept a lot to himself and Makoto knew that, he could even relate to it. Sousuke really didn’t know much about his life before college and he didn’t know much about Sousuke’s personal life outside of their relationship.

“Sou, that’s not going to happen! I just want you to come with us, nothing’s going to happen.” Makoto countered, not understanding why Sousuke was thinking so deeply into it.

“I can’t go.” Sousuke replied simply, still avoiding eye contact. “I have a job here, I can’t afford to go running off whenever I want to.”

Makoto cringed again at the harshness Sousuke was dishing out.

“You’ll still have a job when we come back, you just have to request a few personal days. What are you really afraid of?”

He had no idea he was hitting a nerve with his boyfriend by bringing it up.

“I’m not afraid of anything, I just know how the world works, Makoto.” he spat back, “If I leave for a few weeks they’re going to find a new bartender and I’ll be out of a job or I’ll be taking a serious cut in hours. I can’t just run around doing whatever I want because it’s handed to me.”

“Why are you saying such mean things to me?” Makoto questioned, hurt deeply by the fact that Sousuke would imply that his life had never been hard. Sousuke knew all about his struggles, so why was he taking such a cheap shot at him? “I have not had everything in my life handed to me and you know that!” Makoto was too upset with Sousuke to keep his voice down.

“You know that I had to take out massive loans just to go to school and get my education, you know about my father’s cancer diagnosis! You were there when my professor trying to fail me because I wouldn’t sleep with her! You know I work hard for everything that I have, that we have! I’ve come to you with all my problems and you’ve comforted me, why are you being so nasty to me?” Makoto couldn’t stop himself from shouting, he just couldn’t hold back all the pain and frustration that someone he loved was purposely inflicting on him. “What the hell is wrong with you that you think you have it so much worse than I do? Who the hell hurt you and made you so entitled?” Makoto continued, shaking with an anger he’d never felt before.

“Who made me so entitled?” Sousuke’s booming voice shouted back at him, had he not been so angry, it probably would have made him shrink back onto the couch. “Maybe if you ever asked me about my life, you would know that my father used to kick the shit out of me after swim meets, for embarrassing him in front of the other parents when I didn't place first! That drunk bastard twisted my arm so hard it broke, just because I placed 2nd at junior nationals!” Sousuke practically roared at Makoto, completely unraveling and spilling out pent up sadness over his past traumas.

Makoto quivered next to his inconsolable boyfriend, staring hard at the other man as he continued to ramble on at a slightly lower volume.

“My father was great at swimming when he was a kid, set records all across the country in high school. Some bad partying choices in college and he had gotten my mother pregnant with me. My grandpa forced them to marry, since he came from a line of successful family business owners so this could’ve been a huge disaster for publicity in some way. He hated me before I was even born, thinking I ended his swimming career, not his own stupid choices. It wasn’t like I had asked to be born.” Sousuke kept his eyes on his knees, away from Makoto and to his fingers that were digging into the fabric of his pants. He was obviously pissed just thinking about the awful man that was his father.

“So he finally decides he’s going to live out his swim career through me vicariously, as a way of getting through his 'tragic' life, I guess. He drank all the time, I don’t even think I remember him being sober once. He was my coach for the longest time, taking me to the pool on his days off like a ‘good’ dad. He would make me swim laps and laps and laps, if I didn’t make his time marks, he’d yank me out of the pool and take me outside to burn me with a cigarette. I was only twelve!” Sousuke howls, making Makoto’s body feel numb. He'd never expected to be hearing all of the abuse Sousuke dealt with growing up.

Makoto felt a stinging sensation in his chest, listening to everything Sousuke was telling him. It made sense why he hadn't met Sousuke's family at all by now, it made sense why Sousuke didn't celebrate his birthday. He'd seen the scars that covered Sousuke's arms before too, though now they had faded so much that he had just assumed it was some kind of skin condition. Makoto is again, too stunned to speak, so Sousuke continues on.

“After he broke my damn arm, they blamed it on me doing 'stupid teenage boy stuff' and shipped me off to an academy known for their swimming. I pushed myself so hard there because I was constantly scared that I would fuck up so badly that my father would actually try to kill me. I pushed so hard and I did what he wanted me to do, I placed first at every meet I had ever raced in at that school. He still yelled at me for not being fast enough, not being good enough.” Sousuke choked up for a moment before continuing his ranting. “I remember at nationals, watching the kid who won third place. His parents were so proud, they all practically busted onto the deck to congratulate him. I just watched my dad walk out of the building and text me that he’d talk to me in the car.”

Sousuke had tears forming at the corner of his eyes, still gripping his pant legs tightly and gritting his teeth. “I busted my shoulder in the middle of my first season at college but, I pushed through the pain it was causing me because this was the most fond my dad had seemed of me in his life. He paid for the money that wasn’t covered by my swim scholarship, still a couple tens of thousands. So when I pushed myself too hard and permanently damaged my shoulder, my dad had literally disowned me. Right before the money for the semester was due. He left me in debt because I got hurt!” Sousuke yelled, nearly bursting out in tears but calmed himself down. He tore his arm away when Makoto had reached out to touch him. Sousuke clearly felt the heat of realizing how much he had just told Makoto. He doubted many other people than Rin-and now he too-knew about any of this.

“So I’m sorry if I seem ‘entitled’ to you, Makoto but, you don’t care to ask about my life all that much. You don’t ‘want’ to know about it.” Sousuke finally finished his tirade, standing up from the couch and walking towards the bathroom.

Any sympathy or connection he felt towards Sousuke vanished as he finished his rambling. Makoto felt anger boiling his blood again as he clenched his fist, slamming it down on the couch.  He stood and walked around the couch, facing Sousuke’s retreating back.

“You don’t get to walk away Sousuke!” Makoto screamed, halting him in his place. “Don’t play the victim and act like I’ve never tried to talk to you about your life, you’re so closed off that you won’t talk to me. Just because you’re upset doesn’t mean you can just insult me and get a pass. I don’t understand why you have to be such a jackass sometimes! I get that you had a horrible home life, I do, but you need to get past that. I wish you would talk to me about these things, you’ve gotten so grumpy lately and I could tell something was irritating you.”

“Bullshit.” Sousuke grumbled back, probably realizing that he had blown everything out of proportion, seeming to have calmed down because of Makoto’s reality check. However, Makoto was in too deep. He had never yelled at anyone like this, he can’t even remember the last time he expressed anger to this level.

“You know what Sousuke? I’m so sick of your negative attitude! All I wanted to do was invite you to one of my father’s last family vacations, before he’s either dead or in a wheelchair, and you react like a complete jerk! I try so hard to be good for you and you don’t seem to be able to care!”  Makoto had been the one to come unraveled this time, “I don’t even love you anymore!”

Sousuke’s head snapped up and the look on his face was one of complete heartbreak.

 

* * *

 

He spent the entire weekend laying in bed, watching sad movies with Mochi, and eating junk food.

He still hadn’t reached out to Sousuke at all by the time Monday came but, Sousuke also never reached out to him.  He realized the weight of what he had said, he did but, Sousuke had also said really hurtful things to him too. It was a two way street that neither of them seemed to want to walk down right now.

He finally drug himself to his Tuesday morning class, knowing he couldn’t push school work off, still wearing Sousuke’s clothes. He was still comforted by the smell of the other man that lingered on collar of the sweatshirt, it’s the only thing getting him through his lecture, he thinks.

He tries to focus on studying, he really does but, he can’t focus on anything besides thinking about Sousuke.

What was he doing? How was he doing? Where was he living?

His mind raced again as he thought about Rin’s text message. He could imagine Sousuke showing up at Rin’s doorway completely plastered, he probably walked to Rin from whichever bar he was at with a dead phone. He couldn’t help but get upset thinking about Sousuke trudging into Rin’s house so late at night, crying and not telling Rin a single thing about what the hell had happened. Sousuke was probably back at work already, though.

He used to admire Sousuke’s ability to push his emotions aside to be more level headed but now, he realized he had gotten so good at it because of the kind of person his father was. He didn’t like that Sousuke was able to hide his emotions for so long, leading to the depressing climax of the other night.

He guessed that in a way, he liked that Sousuke had finally opened up to him about such a traumatic time in his life. He didn’t like the fact that he couldn’t get Sousuke to talk about it before it blew up in both of their faces, that Sousuke thought his problems were just a burden. He knew it was more from internal problems, not from Makoto’s own actions but, it really hurt him badly that Sousuke genuinely thought it wasn’t worth bringing up, that he wouldn’t want to comfort him.

Makoto felt dizzy getting into the shower, knowing he was emotionally exhausted. He felt a sob wrake through his body as soon as he stepped into the steam behind the curtain.  He missed Sousuke, a lot, he felt like a baby for not having the strength to reach out to him.

 

* * *

 

It had been a week since their fight, neither one of the two had texted each other. Going to class and work had still been hell but, he pushed through, deciding maybe he should try to relax and have some fun.

He messaged his friend Kisumi yesterday to see if he wanted to go out for drinks tonight. Kisumi had obviously responded ‘Of course Mako-chan!! :))’ rather fast.

He sighed as he sat down at the bar next to a waiting Kisumi, cheerful as ever when he turned to greet Makoto. His smile soon faded as he saw run down and drained Makoto had definitely looked. When he asked what was wrong Makoto simply stated he didn’t want to talk about it right now. He didn’t think it would be right to say that he and Sousuke had broken up before they’d even talked to each other again. He could understand Sousuke telling Rin, Rin wouldn’t dare say a word about it if Sousuke hadn’t wanted him to.

Kisumi actually let it be, to his surprise, ordering a round of drinks for both of them after telling Makoto that it was on him. He finally loosened up with alcohol entering his system, deciding early on in the night that 2 drinks was enough for him. He made a comment about something going on at the bar and Kisumi looked at him for a second before laughing.

Makoto stared at Kisumi, immediately reminded of the date he’d went on with Sousuke at this same bar.

 

* * *

 

They’d just started hanging out, he’d met Sousuke at the bar he was a serving drinks at when his friends took him out for his 21st. He was immediately taken by the large man with the most beautiful teal eyes, Sousuke was quite interested in Makoto as well. The night had ended with the two hooking up after Sousuke’s shift and he’d been nervous about blowing it at first but, Sousuke was still laying in Makoto’s bed and was being used as a body pillow when the morning came around.

They’d been on a few dates before this, each of them ending in either one of the two’s bedrooms but, this was the one when he had realized he really had it bad for Sousuke.

They’d been talking about rude patrons. While Sousuke was a full time bartender, Makoto worked part time as a barista, so they both understood the vast realm of rude customers. Makoto was a bit tipsy, his inhibitions lowered enough for him to say what he really thought about the rude older man he’d had to deal with earlier in the morning.

Sousuke stared at him wide eyed for a minute, causing a blush to spread across Makoto’s cheeks, before letting out the most genuine laugh Makoto had ever heard. He stared at Sousuke sitting in front of him, still letting out a side splitting laugh, looking at him in pure astonishment. Before this, he’d yet to hear Sousuke let out any kind of unadulterated emotion besides lust. It was infectious, the warm feeling flowing through his body like the alcohol he had just ingested.

They didn’t sleep together that night, Sousuke simply dropped him off at his door and they flirted like nervous teenagers before agreeing to talk to each other soon. They talked all night after that, Makoto realizing that he had considered Sousuke as more than just a friend with benefits.

 

* * *

 

Makoto was snapped back to reality by Kisumi’s voice, asking if he was okay. He shook off the memory that had just came to him and turned his attention back to his friend, he decided he was going to enjoy himself after all.

Two women had walked up to the two of them, obviously flirting. Kisumi went along with it, dragging Makoto along with him.

The girl, her name was Hikari, was very much trying to get him to go home with her, Kisumi also being pleasantly drug out of the bar with the other woman whose name he didn’t catch. He declined any offer that Hikari made him, opting to walk back to his apartment instead.

When he got home he was immediately hit by Sousuke’s scent in the air, coming to the sad realization that Sousuke still hadn’t come back to their apartment, it was just the laundry that still sat on the couch in a basket, along with everything else in the apartment that was his. He looked at his phone, pulling up his message thread with Sousuke. He stared at the screen blankly before closing his phone again, still unsure of what to say. Makoto stripped before grabbing one of Sousuke’s shirts and a pair of his boxers and returning to their bed.

He laid on the large mattress thinking of Kisumi getting a happy ending tonight, wondering if Sousuke had been with anyone else in the week that they’d been apart. It made his stomach turn thinking about Sousuke with someone else.

 

* * *

 

He hadn’t slept with Sousuke after that night they had went out for drinks, they still continued to go out on dates and hang out.

After a few months of the more casual approach to seeing each other, Sousuke had stopped by early, before his morning run asking Makoto to go with him. They went on a run around town as the sun rose and a returned back to Sousuke’s apartment to have breakfast and get rehydrated. They spent the day watching each other’s favorite movies and teasing one another when one became particularly invested in the movie plots.

They were watching a sad movie when Sousuke placed a hand on Makoto’s.

“You are so beautiful.” Sousuke said to him, moving his hand to cup Makoto’s cheek. Makoto felt the tips of his ears heat up at Sousuke’s words, leaning in to kiss the other man as his thumb stroked Makoto's cheek. The kiss was slow, unlike all the other needy kisses they'd shared thus far. It wasn’t rushed, they were just enjoying the feeling of one another for a long couple of minutes before Sousuke pulled back. Makoto let out a slight whimper in protest before the other man began to speak.

“You know, I really think that I love you.” Sousuke said softly, maintaining eye contact the whole time.

“I really think that I love you too.” Makoto responded before being pulled into another kiss, being eased onto the sofa in Sousuke’s living room.

Sousuke peppered kisses down his neck, unzipping Makoto’s sweatshirt as he trailed down his torso. He pulled Makoto’s erection out of his shorts after leaving kisses just above the waistline, putting it in his mouth and sucking him off slowly.

Makoto let out a breathy sigh every time Sousuke hollowed out his cheeks and pushed his dick further down his throat, bobbing his head up and down at a leisurely pace.  After a while he pulled the rest of Makoto’s clothing off and they kissed each other slowly again before Sousuke lowered himself down to Makoto’s ass.

He felt Sousuke’s tongue poke out at his hole, lapping at it slowly before shoving it in. Makoto’s mind felt hazy as he just let the pleasure he was receiving flow through his body. He wanted to make Sousuke feel this good.

Sousuke pulled out a packet of lube, slathering it on his fingers before sticking a finger into Makoto’s ass.

He let out a light gasp at the new sensation, he had gotten unfamiliar with the feeling as they had not slept together in months. He hadn’t really been horny enough to do it himself either, the time he had been spending with Sousuke recently was more fulfilling to him.

Sousuke’s fingers were now working to stretch him out enough to accommodate Sousuke’s rather impressive member. He let out more light moans into Sousuke’s mouth as his fingers continued to stretch out in his ass. His heart jumped a little as Sousuke finally lost his pants, letting himself free and slathering himself in lube.

He kissed Makoto again as he pushed himself in, a light groan escaping his mouth into Makoto’s. The sex was slow, they weren’t trying to rush to their orgasms, just trying to make it feel as good as possible for the other. It was mind blowing to Makoto, no one had ever made love to him before this moment. The slow rocking of Sousuke’s hips into his was driving his body insane. When they had slept together before Sousuke was rather rough with him, pounding him into the bed frame that was just down the hall from them now. His size was enough to make Makoto cum all over his own chest without even being touched, which also seemed to be his biggest problem right now, if he thought about it clearly.

Each time Sousuke thrust into him, his dick was gliding right over his prostate, causing uncontrollable little moans from Makoto. Each pass in that Sousuke took was slowly unraveling Makoto, already feeling his imminent release coiling in his loins.

“I love you, I love you Sousuke.” his voice was airy with pleasure, “I love you Sousuke.”

“Makoto...” Sousuke groaned into his ear, “I love you too, fuck, I love you.” Sousuke repeated as he got out his last few thrusts before Makoto’s orgasm exploded out onto their chests.

Sousuke continued to rock his hips into Makoto, who eventually got hard again, continuing to rock and stroke Makoto all the way through another orgasm before releasing his own into Makoto’s ass.

They lay there for a minute, Makoto’s release sticking between their chests before deciding to get into the shower together.

 

* * *

 

Rin had reached out to him again, still unaware of all that went down. Makoto figured he owed it to Rin to tell him what happened between he and Sousuke, as Sousuke actually had been living with Rin since he left. He knew Sousuke wouldn’t say a word about what happened but, Rin deserved to know everything.

He called his friend, the phone being answered after a few rings.

“Hello?” Rin’s voice came through from the other line.

“Rin it’s Makoto. Can we please meet up and talk?”

An hour later he found himself sitting on a park bench waiting for Rin to show up to their rendezvous. He sighed and looked at the drab grey sky, wondering how mother nature had captured his mood for the past month so well in the dull clouds above head.

“Hey.” he heard as Rin sat down next to him on the bench.

“Hi.” Makoto replied back quietly, a sudden nervous feeling pooling in his stomach as he tried to decide how he would ask Rin if he knew about what happened. “So um, how have you been?”

“I’ve been better.” Rin replied bluntly, he had no idea why Sousuke had been acting so strangely for the past month and was curious to find out.

“I’m going to go out on a limb and assume Sousuke kept quiet about the details of our break up, yeah?” he asked, watching Rin out of the corner of his eyes.

“He showed up at my door and said you two had broken up, hasn’t said a single word about it since then. He hasn’t said much of anything, actually. He only comes to my house to sleep most nights, it seems. Mom hasn’t even noticed that there’s been another person living with us since I’ve been home.”

He knew Sousuke was keeping everything internalized, it hurt him to think about Sousuke still being in so much pain over this.

“I told him I wasn’t in love with him anymore. It’s not even true, I just said it out of spite." he grit his teeth before continuing to recount the fight to his friend, "I was so angry at him, we’d never fought like this before and I couldn’t control my mouth.” Makoto admitted to Rin, who could only stare at Makoto in return, with a sad look in his eyes. “He told me about his father, what kind of man he is, what he did to Sousuke. I’m also going to assume you know about that?”

Rin nodded mechanically before speaking, “Sousuke went to the Samezuka academy with me, for high school. He was a few years older than me but, I always noticed the mild terror in his eyes anytime someone his dad was brought up in conversation or when he was at one of our meets. We got closer before he graduated, he put my name in for the captain position even after he graduated and everything too. He lived with us until he could get on his feet again after he was disowned.”

Makoto nodded in acknowledgment to Rin’s words before choosing his next words. “He said some really awful things to me, I was just trying to get him to come with my family on vacation. He got really defensive about not wanting to spend too much time with us and we both said things we didn’t mean.”

“His dad has had a lot stronger of an impact on him than anyone would like to think. He never really got any kind of familial love as a kid, he has a lot of trouble dealing with feeling needed now. I mean, for so long it was at the point where you could tell that he couldn’t have cared less if he just ceased to exist one day. He probably doesn’t want to get attached to your family as a way of protecting himself from losing people that care about him.” Rin told him, he was glad he could get another insight into the enigma that Sousuke could be sometimes. “I know its still not very fair of him to act like that but, I can understand his thought process.”

“I don’t even know what to say to him, or how I would try to reach out. I don’t even know if he wants anything to do with me.” Makoto sighed defeatedly.

“I don’t know if he wants to talk to you right now either but, I know he still loves you. That wouldn’t change, ever.”

 

* * *

 

It was only a day after he had spoken to Rin, he was still too scared to call Sousuke. Instead of doing anything productive, he went through their closet, digging through all kinds of junk that had been forgotten in the depths. He knocked a shoebox off of the top rack of the closet, landing directly on his head. Luckily for him it didn’t hurt, seeming to be empty.  He looked over the sticky note attached to the front of the box, reading the words ‘letters’ off of it.

He pulled open the box, each letter in its own envelope with a brief description of the emotion Sousuke had been feeling when it was written. He looked through the box and pulled out an envelope that said ‘for Makoto/hopeful’. He looked at the date, it was written a week or so before their argument. He soon started pulling it open with caution, still unsure if he was even meant to be reading this.

‘Makoto,  
  
I wasn’t expecting all that much to come out of our relationship in the beginning but, you’ve made me feel more than I’ve ever felt in my life.

I have a hard time trusting people, and I’ll tell you why someday (I promise) but, you made it so easy.

I know I still keep myself guarded but, you have seen much more of me than almost anyone I know.

Your presence in my life really feels like a blessing.

When the time came telling you that I loved you was the most natural thing in the world and I’ve never really loved anyone before I met you.

I just knew, from so early on, that you were the one, I think.

I got this feeling that I couldn’t describe when you invited me to breakfast with you the morning after we first got together.

The way you smiled at me that morning, it made me realize that I wanted to stay with you like, always.

I know I’m kind of rambling right now so I’m sorry, but I just needed to write this down somewhere.

My point is, you’ve always just made everything feel so easy and safe in a way, I guess.

I know you don’t know but, I’ve had really rough stuff happen in my life.

No matter how hard my life has been, you make me feel like there’s still a way to be happy.

I don’t know how to tell you stuff like this but, you know my communication could use some  
work. That’s why I write the letters in the first place.

Anyway, I guess all I really wanted to say was, that I love you and thank you for loving me back.  
  
Thanks,  
  
Sousuke.’

He feels a few tears fall down his cheeks as he finishes the letter.

The letters were more for Sousuke’s own emotional management than meant for Makoto himself to read, he could understand that. Reading the letter addressed to him, the one Sousuke wrote when he was feeling hopeful, combined with his new knowledge of Sousuke’s adolescent trauma was almost deafening to him. He realized how much Sousuke truly valued not just their relationship but, their companionship as well. He knew how much saying ‘I don’t love you’ hurt Sousuke. He nearly felt sick again. However, he was not going to let Sousuke off the hook for saying the things that he had but, he had realized what an idiot he had been for not reaching out to Sousuke sooner than this, knowing the other’s self destructive tendency to constantly go over negative thoughts until he depresses himself.

He pulls out his phone and opens Sousuke’s contact number in his cell. He chooses to send a message, only saying _‘Hey’_ to nudge Sousuke’s attention. He locks his phone and puts the letter back in the envelope, keeping it with him even when he pushes the shoe box back in the closet.

His phone buzzes, a message from Sousuke illuminating the screen. ‘ _i miss you’_ it says.

He smiles at the screen, wiping any remaining tears from his eyes before grabbing his phone again.

‘ _Sou, please come home.’_


	2. Sousuke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’d never really had much of his own personality. He was used to putting on a front, like his life was perfect. He came from a wealthy family, he was an Olympic caliber athlete in high school and college, and he had a 'caring' father who trained and 'supported him' through his career as a swimmer. It was a load of shit but, there were no questions asked as long as he could fake a smile.
> 
> or
> 
> A look into Sousuke's thoughts, mind, and past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao, so I was a huge fuckin' liar last chapter, when I said that there'd only be one more less angsty chapter. SURPRISE!! This is now a 3 chapter story with some more beautiful, beautiful angst. At least it didin't take me 4 years to re-upload this one *cough morphine cough*.
> 
> I started what I thought was going to be the last chapter and didn't like how I left Sousuke's character so plain and open. It just felt like I dropped a rough backstory on him and then left it at that, which is not what poor Sou deserves. I wanted to make him seem more real and give an explanation to why he's so closed off and why Makoto never new about his abusive childhood until 2 years of dating. I didn't want him to come off as an asshole unintentionally in the first chapter, so here it is.
> 
> A Sousuke-centric chapter.

Sousuke sat in the nearest bar he could find that wasn’t his own place of employment, head slumped against his hand as he watched his friend close up shop. Seijuuro had been nice enough to let him stay until he locked up at 2 am. Even though he wouldn’t say a word about what had happened with Makoto before he arrived, it was still clear that Sousuke had been crying on his way here. So here he was, watching with glassy eyes as the neon ‘open’ sign flickered off, knowing it was time to wander back out into the early morning. He stumbled out of the bar after bidding Seijuuro a thanks and goodnight.

He felt like his father, drinking this much, it disgusted him to no end.

He didn’t know where to go, he couldn’t go back to Makoto after this. He couldn’t come home this drunk, after what Makoto had said to him.

‘ _I don’t even love you anymore’_

The words rang n his head again for the first time since he arrived at the bar. He got into his car again and started it before he would let himself break down and cry, not wanting a soul to see him like this. He felt a sob tear through his chest and run through the rest of his body, tears spilling out his eyes and into his hands as he leaned on the steering wheel. He was familiar with those words coming from his father’s mouth, not Makoto’s.

He had to wonder, was he really so damaged that he couldn’t be loved? He used to believe he was, before he met Makoto. He learned the meaning of familial love from the Matsuoka’s, taking him in and showing him kindness, when he had finally hit rock bottom.

Makoto taught him what it was like to fall in real love. When he met Makoto, he figured that the two of them were just going to fuck until they came and never see eachother again. He wasn’t expecting to fall asleep so easily after they had sex, he wasn’t expecting to be completely trapped by Makoto snuggling into him in the morning. When he fell for Makoto, he fell right on his face, and it only took a matter of moments.

 

* * *

 

He opened his eyes and blinked at the unfamiliar amount of sunshine coming in from his windows. Had he opened his curtains last night, why did he sleep in so late?

He wants to move his arm, since he feels the need to wipe the sleep from his eyes but, there’s a weight pinning it down. He closes his eyes and rolls them around his skull for a second before opening them again, trying to force them to focus even with the sunlight shining at him. He shifts his weight a little and hears a contented ‘hmph’ come from the person that also happens to be same thing holding his arm down.

Looking at the other person, a man with dirty blonde hair longer than his, smooth lightly tanned skin, just as naked as Sousuke himself was; he instantly remembers where he is.

Makoto, the man currently...cuddling into him in his sleep, had came into the bar last night celebrating his extremely belated birthday with his friends from college. He didn’t drink much, saying that his friends tended to get a little stupid when they drank, which they did, to a degree. Makoto was however, still tipsy and flirting ever so subtly with Sousuke. Sousuke could tell immediately where this was going, to the house of whoever lived closer, and Makoto only lived about a block away.

Sousuke felt his face heat up thinking about what had happened after that, he didn’t think from first glance that Makoto would have been so submissive, eager, and perfect under him all night. He was though, and Sousuke was so worn out from the crazy-amazing sex they’d had, that it made it easy to fall asleep in the other man’s bed. Now, Makoto was currently latched to his side, looking perfectly content as he continued to sleep. Sousuke felt a little bit like a cradle robber, looking at the beautiful man 4 years junior to him.

He had never experienced the feeling of closeness and warmth that he was right now. He felt a wave of calmness, looking at the other man’s sleeping face resting on his chest. He could only see Makoto’s lashes scattering across his cheeks as his chest continued to move up and down evenly. Sousuke didn’t really want to leave, he didn’t want Makoto to wake up and kick him out. He just wanted to stay like this forever, not worrying about a damn thing. So he lay completely still, not wanting the younger man to wake up. To his dissatisfaction, Makoto stirred a bit in his sleep and finally woke up several minutes later.

Sousuke watched as Makoto’s dreamy jade eyes opened, blinking a few times before acknowledging that Sousuke was still in his room. He glanced up, holding the look for a minute, and Sousuke figured he was about get kicked out. Awkwardly. To his surprise, Makoto’s face soon turned red, obviously recounting what had happened between the two nude men last night. Makoto pushed himself away shakily, still managing to cover himself, and smiled nervously at Sousuke before speaking.

“Would you want to go get breakfast?”

Sousuke cleared his throat before answering, also feeling a deep flush come over his face. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

 

* * *

 

He’s drunk but, he thinks that he knows that Rin just got home from Australia yesterday. He feels awful, knocking on his door in the middle of the night but, he doesn’t know where else to go.

The door eventually opens and thankfully he sees Rin albeit irritated but, still Rin. If Rin was going to yell at him, he stopped short when he realized the tear stains running down Sousuke’s face and lack of a car.

“What happened? How did you get here?” Rin asks, he knows Sousuke’s not one to get drunk or emotional.

“I walked.” was the only reply that left Sousuke’s mouth.

“What happened? Why were you crying?” Rin repeats, standing firm in the doorway.

“We broke up.” Sousuke let out another simple reply, “I don’t know where else to go.”

Rin lets him inside, sensing that he was holding back another sob session at the mere thought of it. He showed Sousuke to the guest room, the one he’d slept in for years before he could pay for the expenses of his own apartment, and gave him a change of clothes.

“You can talk to me, you know?” Rin suggests briefly, opening the door to exit. The only response Sousuke can force himself to give is a ‘hn’. His friend gives a sympathetic look before saying ‘goodnight’ and slipping into his own room.

 

* * *

 

“Sousuke, you know you can rely on us, right?” Matsuoka Miyako asked him while Rin stood in the corner of the living room. Gou was out at the summer festival, that’s why they’d chosen to confront him now.

“And I do, you give me a place to stay and I appreciate it more than you can ever know.” Sousuke replied back, he wasn’t expecting to be interrogated the second he closed the front door.

“You can’t just starve yourself when you don’t have enough money to buy take out!” Rin yelled out from his spot, walking closer to his mother before continuing, “You can’t act like we were never going to notice!”

Rin was shaking with anger. He had found a notice from Sousuke’s old university about the money he still owed and an open bank letter advising Sousuke of his checking account's negative balance with a brief transaction history.

He had been going through the house, looking for a pair of jammers before his meet and was briefly annoyed when he found the mess of trash attop Sousuke’s desk. He was angry and upset when he looked through the open letters on the desk, he and his mom had known why Sousuke was here, they knew he was homeless and in debt. They took him in but, Sousuke wasn’t allowing them do anything more than house him.

“Why can’t you just let us do your laundry, why do you take it all to a laundromat and pay to do it?” his friend screamed at him, on the verge of tears at this point, “Why can’t you let us cook an actual meal instead of going broke paying for ramen a few times a week?” Rin yelled at Sousuke, tears falling from his eyes.

His mother just hushed him and told him not to yell, “Why can’t you let us help you? I know you want to get out of our hair and stop ‘bothering’ us but, let us help you.” he finished, the sound of hurt lacing his tone.

Sousuke was quiet as Rin cried out to him, he was even about to cry himself. The Matsuoka’s really had no idea how much it meant to him just to give him a place to stay, at the very most he needed to be able to sleep so he could keep up with his now very intense work schedule.

“Sousuke.” came the voice of Miyako, a soothing and calm sound to settle the emotions running rampant in the room. “I know you’re grateful, you’ve been a very polite and kind man for the time you’ve been staying here. We don’t want you to feel like this is just a place to sleep, we want you to think of this house as a home. Please, let us help you in the way that a parent should.”

For the first time in years, Sousuke let out a strangled sob, letting himself be comforted by Rin’s mother. He cried for what to him, seemed like forever. He kept his eyes screwed tight, not wanting to know that Rin was watching him fall apart like this.

 

* * *

 

He woke up early, eyes feeling foggy from crying the night before. He looks at the digital clock next to him and sees its only seven in the morning and rolls back to his side, attempting to drape his arm over Makoto.

It's then that he realizes he's not at home, he instantly remembers his fight with Makoto and that he spent the night at Rin’s house. In his mind he runs over Makoto saying those harsh words before remembering the things that he himself had said before that, causing the argument in the first place. He couldn’t believe the things he said to Makoto. He had realized that before the fight had even ended. Sousuke was awful at letting people get close to him, when he finally understood how much he shared with his boyfriend, he got defensive and said hurtful things intentionally to push Makoto away emotionally. He hated himself for doing that, he hated that this was his defense mechanism he was taught during his horrible childhood. He hated that his father left this big of an impression on him.

When Makoto had brought up his family vacation a few months ago, he didn’t think much of it. About a month later, Makoto had brought it up again, this time hinting subtly that he was planning on inviting Sousuke to come with them. The interaction made Sousuke uneasy in a way he couldn’t explain. He knew he was bad at the family thing, bad with affectionate people such as Makoto’s parents. It continued to sit in the back of his head, thinking of all the ways he could accidentally ruin their vacation. Thinking of how awkward he was the first time he’d met Makoto’s parents, and it was only a brief meeting too. He was terrified by adults, even if he was nearing the age of 30 soon himself. He didn’t want them to think he was rude or impolite, he didn’t want to make the impression he knew he was going to make. He wanted Makoto’s parents to like him as much as he loved Makoto.

A seed of worry had planted itself in his brain, it spread its roots throughout his head and he had been acting like a regular grump. He let himself get wound up so tightly that he lashed out at Makoto for simply asking him to have a nice time with his family.

“Such a fucking jackass.” he muttered to himself. He didn’t deserve Makoto, he never did, it was time for them both to realize that he supposed.

Sousuke rose from the bed he slept in, fixing the sheets before changing into his clothes from yesterday and leaving the house. Picking up the spare key from its hiding spot, he locked the front door before starting his walk back to the bar to pick up his car.

It took a while to finally get back to it, relying on muscle memory since he’d left his phone in the car overnight. He’s upset to see Makoto hadn’t called or texted him at all but, why would he? He wishes he could have just told Makoto about his father without completely freaking out afterwards, he wishes he could bring himself to talk about his father at all under different circumstances.

 

* * *

 

“Second place? Are you fucking kidding me?” his father's voice boomed at him once they exited into the parking lot, Sousuke had just finished swimming in junior nationals, something that a normal parent would be proud of their son for even qualifying for. He nervously scratched at the blisters left from the cigarette burns that littered his arms, not knowing how his father would act now that they outside of the rec center. He had only lost by about 3 seconds, a pathetic feat in his father's eyes.

“I’m sorry,” was all that Sousuke could say, he tried his best, he knew better now than to say that out loud though. He had to speed into a jog to keep up with his father, who was currently charging towards the car at a brisk pace while lighting a cigarette. “I’ll do better next time, I promise.”

“Your promises won’t mean shit to me until you’re bringing home Olympic gold,"  his father barked back to him as he continued to inhale the cigarette between his fingers. "You’re such a fuckin’ idiot though, who knows if it’s even possible to get you to that level.” his father insulted, before throwing his cigarette butt to the ground and lighting another.

The way his father talked down to him on a daily basis was completely degrading. He was used to his father calling him a mistake, he'd been told that as long as he could remember but, being told he was a failure hurt in a different way. He had just started to hit puberty, there was no way of knowing whether or not he'd be a failure, he was still just fourteen. He could be a mistake, a son of a bitch, or a bastard but, he didn't want to be a failure. He wasn't a failure.

“At least I made your time.” are the words that escape his mouth quietly as he steps into the car. His father didn’t like back talk and he knew that but, he had made better time than his father had at his age. He should have known not to stick up for himself like that though, he should have known better.

His father’s eyes glowed with rage and he crushed the filter of his cigarette between his fingers, pissed that Sousuke had the nerve to compare the two of them. “You will never be as good as I could have been! You hear me?” he screamed at Sousuke, grabbing his forearm with an angry hand.

"If you hadn’t ruined my life, I would have been the best!” he yelled at Sousuke again, the vice grip on his arm tightening even more, “Now, here you are, slacking off and doing mediocre at your meets and competitions but, you have the nerve to talk back to me? You really are the most ungrateful bastard of a son I can ever think of!”

“Stop!” he yelped out to his father, which only seemed to anger him more. Sousuke let out a pained hiss as his father’s fingernails dug further into his arm. He was yelling in Sousuke’s face so closely that he could smell the alcohol in his breath.

He winced as his father continued yelling nasty things at him, trying to pry his forearm away from the death grip it was currently in. He tried one last time, “Stop!”

“Shut the fuck up kid! Who the fuck do you think you are yelling at me, where is your goddamn respect?” his father roared at him and Sousuke screamed in agony as he felt a snap in his bones when his arm was twisted roughly at an angle it wasn’t meant to bend in.

“I said shut the fuck up, kid!” his father howled again, silencing Sousuke to only whimpers of pain while he held his broken arm to his chest. He flinched again as his father cursed loudly and slammed his fisted hands on the steering wheel before angrily ripping open the glove box, pulling out a flight sized container of vodka.

Sousuke continued to stare wide-eyed out the front window, nursing his arm while his father knocked back the small bottle of liquor.

He knew better than to let the tears fall.

 

* * *

 

It had been weeks since the fight, Makoto still hadn’t reached out to him and he didn’t think he deserved it anyway. He would have tried to get a hold of Makoto but, he was scared of being rejected or ignored. He couldn’t handle being pushed away, so he just went on with his life as best he could.

He got clothes from their apartment when he knew Makoto would be in class, went to work when he was scheduled to be there and then some. He kept out of the Matsuoka’s hair as much as he could, they had given him hospitality in the past when he needed it but, he’d feel greedy asking for anything more than a place to sleep. He knew Miyako would insist, so he always left the house early before she woke and came back late after he knew she’d be in bed.

He stayed out of bars besides his own place of employment, he didn’t want to cope by getting drunk off his ass nightly, he didn’t want to be like his father. He wasn’t coping with the break up, not really, he just worked more than he normally would and tried to keep himself busy. He would still think about how much of a jerk he’d been, how Makoto said he didn’t love him anymore.

He couldn’t blame Makoto, he wouldn’t love himself either. He had always been a shell of a person, he wasn’t socially awkward in any respect but, he’d never really had much of his own personality. He was used to putting on a front, like his life was perfect. He came from a wealthy family, he was an Olympic caliber athlete in high school and college, and he had a ‘caring’ father who trained and ‘supported him’ through his career as a swimmer. It was a load of shit but, there were no questions asked as long as he could fake a smile. How could anyone ever love someone as deceptive as he that? He feared he had already become his father.

Even though he knew this, it didn’t make the break up hurt any less. He may not have known the meaning of love for the majority of his life but, he knew straight away that he’d been in love with Makoto. All of his little idiosyncrasies and quirks, his kind nature, his ability to light up a room. Even though Sousuke was raised knowing only hatred and despair, Makoto had made it so easy to recognize the feelings he felt as love. And he ruined it.

He tried to brush off his thoughts along with the tears that had fallen down his cheeks as he neared the Matsuoka’s house. When he opened the door, Rin was waiting for him.

“Can you please talk to me?” he spoke quietly to Sousuke, not wanting to wake his sister or mother.

“I can’t.” was his kurt reply.

“You can’t, or you don’t want to?” Rin continued to stare him down, he was clearly upset that it had been nearly a month since the break up and he was still in the dark about everything that happened.

“I’m sorry. I can’t, I… I just can’t,” Sousuke stared at the ground and tried to form the right words to tell Rin why but, they wouldn’t come. When he looked up to see Rin’s hurt expression, he knew he would have to find the right words. “It hurts, Rin, badly. I just can’t talk about it, not yet.”

Rin just  watched as he walked past him and retreated back into the guest room. He wasn’t mad, he wasn’t going to tell Sousuke to get out of their house. He knew how much of a hard time Sousuke had talking about his feelings in general, he couldn’t really expect him to be able to actually get through talking about the fight that ended the relationship that Sousuke held so close to his heart.

Rin pulled out his phone and texted Makoto when he walked past the guest room and heard muffled crying, asking for some kind of explanation of what had happened that was so bad that Sousuke was still in his house crying about it. He wanted normal, regular, indifferent Sousuke back.

 

* * *

 

He hated his birthday, he never talked about it or took the day off. The only days he took off were for Rin, Gou, Miyako, and now Makoto’s birthdays. Since they all fell around the same time of year, he’d always save up his birthday money his coworkers gave him since he wouldn’t let them but him drinks, and buy their gifts right after his birthday.

He hadn’t been on the schedule for work this year though, he’d gotten a head injury breaking up a bar fight and been forced to take off for a week at least. He prayed he’d be able to get some time off for Makoto’s upcoming birthday after this unexpected leave. He had been worried sick when Sousuke had accidentally video called him from the nearest pharmacy, bleeding from the forehead and asking which kind of pain medicine was best for splitting headaches. He even made Sousuke take off the full 2 weeks of physician recommended rest.

He missed Makoto right now, with Rin away in Australia he had nothing to do when Makoto was in class. He supposed it was better this way though, with Makoto pestering him recently about when his birth date was, as they had been dating for quite some time and he had yet to tell him.

He knew Makoto meant well but, he had no intention of celebrating the day he ruined his father’s life. Throughout his childhood, that’s what the day had been referred to as. His father never once let him forget his disdain. It was never a good day for him, all he’d ever received on his birthday were beatings from his father that were always a lot worse than normal. He wondered if his father even thought of him at all since disowning him.

Shaking the thought from his brain, he got out of bed and into the shower, deciding that he’d get some of the housework Makoto was always complaining about doing in his own home. Hours had passed by when he finally finished cleaning and rearranging both his bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen. With a sigh, he rolled the sleeves of his crew neck down from his elbows and made a bottle water, deciding to go out a run and stop by work to waste time until Makoto got done with homework.

 _‘thinking about you’_ he texted his boyfriend before lacing up his sneakers and heading out.

 _‘How are you feeling?_ _Is your head alright?’_ Makoto responded soon after he sent the text, he quickly responded ‘I’m fine’ before slipping his phone in the pocket of his worn-in sweatpants.

 _‘I have a lot of homework. I’ll come over around 8, if that’s okay?’_ was the next message Makoto sent, he checked it and responded as he entered his place of employment.

‘ _of course, see you then’_ he replied before hearing the booming voice of one of his co-workers calling him over.

“How are you celebrating tonight Sousuke-san?” Chigusa, the bar’s hostess who was fresh out of high school, asked once he approached the group of co-workers socializing before they re-opened up their doors to the night crowd.

“You know I don’t celebrate.” he responded to the younger girl, she’d been working there long enough to know that the only reason anyone knew about his birthday was because it was posted on the bar’s office calendar.

“I’ve only seen Yamazaki celebrate his birthday once, last year when he went home with Tachibana-san. I don’t think it was intentional though.” one of the other bartenders called out to the hostess while finishing off polishing the last of the highball glasses, an amused tone evident in his voice, “Besides Chigusa-chan, he’ll probably say he’s too busy taking care of his concussion to celebrate.”

They always liked to poke fun at him for acting like a grumpy old man before meeting Makoto. It really wasn’t far from the truth but, he was used to being picked at for his reserved personality, especially by his co-workers.

“The year before last, in fact every year Yamazaki has been here, he works a double on his birthday.” a server called out from the other side of Chigusa, “Not like you need the extra hours with all the tip money you have flooding your pockets.” he added with a snicker.

He left the bar before the conversation had shifted to discussing wages and what an average night of tips looked like for each one of them. He didn’t need to hear them complain about the amount of cash he took home with him on a Saturday night. Which was a ridiculously large amount, seeing as he was the most proficient bartender in the most popular bar in town. He was glad his size alone was enough to keep people from jumping him late at night when he made his way to his car after a busy shift.

He made his way back to his apartment, consciously trying to jog at a pace that would have him home early enough to take a shower before Makoto arrived at his home. Luckily enough, he did. The doorbell rang out right as he had gotten dried off and dressed. He swiftly made his way to the door to greet Makoto.

“Hope you’re in the mood for katsudon!” Makoto smiled sweetly at him in the doorway, holding a small bag full of take out food in his hands while he waited for Sousuke to move from the doorway. He smiled back to Makoto, making the other man’s cheeks tinge red. He’d never get tired of having that effect on Makoto after being together for so long.

“Always.” he replied, stepping aside from the door and pulling his partner into a soft embrace. He reluctantly let Makoto go and shut the door behind him, watching Makoto walk towards the kitchen.

The thought of having this everyday-a tired Makoto waiting in the kitchen for him with katsudon from their favorite restaurant after his classes, giving his lover tiny kisses anywhere and everywhere on his face to show his appreciation for the food before falling into a comfortable silence while he shoveled food down his throat so that he could relax with his boyfriend longer before he had to leave to work for the night-passed through his mind for the millionth time before he followed Makoto into the adjacent room.

“You cleaned!’ he heard before he entered the room, “And moved the dining area!”

He entered the room to see Makoto setting the bag down on the counter, already taking the containers of katsudon out from it.

“I can show you the bedroom too, if you’d like.” he said in the most suggestive voice he was capable of, grinning devilishly as he snaked an arm around Makoto’s waist. His boyfriend turned around in his embrace to face him, his cheeks stained with a deep red flush.

“What’s wrong?” Sousuke asked, a concerned took taking over his features quickly. At first, he had just thought that his offer to go to the bedroom was what made the color on Makoto’s face flare up but, he noticed the slight twitching of his partner’s body that conveyed the amount of nerves Makoto was currently suffering from.

Makoto let out a breath that was as shaky as the rest of his body, before maneuvering his arm into the bag of takeout behind him. Sousuke’s expression shifted into one of confusion when the small box had been presented to him. “What’s this?”

“O-open it.” Makoto instructed nervously, Sousuke gave one more questioning glance before obliging the request. When he opened the box he was met with the sight of his favorite dessert, a single steamed bun that took the shape of a maple leaf. He looked up to Makoto again after licking his lips to subconsciously stop himself from salivating at the dessert.

“Momiji manjuu?” he asked, though it was rather clear that is what was inside of the box. Sousuke had an undeniably large sweet tooth, something only Makoto and the Matsuoka’s knew. What was unclear though, was why the box had the name of a bakery only located in Hiroshima was written on top of the box.

“Happy birthday, Sousuke.” Makoto smiled, looking only a touch less nervous than he had been moments ago, the deep red flush on his cheeks still burning bright. “I skipped class today and took the bullet train down to Hiroshima, I know you love the momiji manjuu.”

Sousuke stood frozen, staring at the birthday present Makoto had gotten him.

“I asked Rin when it was, your birthday I mean.” Makoto explained while Sousuke continued to look at the dessert as if he was learning the meaning of life just by doing so. “I know you don’t celebrate but, I think someone as special as you should be celebrated.”

A heavy feeling settled in Sousuke’s stomach upon hearing the words leave Makoto’s mouth. It wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling, he’d felt it many times by this point in his life. The feeling itself transcended words. He’d felt it before, the morning after his first night with Makoto, when the Matsuoka’s took him in, when he told Makoto he loved him, when he finally got his life back on track after being disowned. It was an overwhelmingly intense feeling, hitting him like a ton of bricks.

He looked back up to Makoto after realizing how long he’d been staring at the maple leaf shaped bun. It wasn’t just a steamed bun to him though, it wasn’t a random birthday cake that had been picked up from the store along with a gift that was purchased last second. He knew how seriously Makoto took his studies, he was determined to make a good life for himself but, he ditched his classes just to get this for his birthday. A birthday Sousuke didn’t even celebrate, and he took a 5 hour train ride by himself just to go to Sousuke’s favorite bakery in Hiroshima and brought back a fresh dessert just for him. He’d never experienced such an honest and purehearted display of affection directed solely towards him before, and he was now feeling the after effects of it.

He hadn’t realized that he’d started crying until Makoto’s expression changed from one of nervousness to one of actual worry.  He wasn’t an emotional guy but, there was no way he could hold back the feeling hitting him right now. To him, this gesture said ‘I value and enjoy having you in my life’, a gesture that no one besides the Matsuoka’s had ever made for him.

If he hadn’t been sure of it before, he was now. He’d ask Makoto to move in with him tomorrow morning, he didn’t want to ruin the sincerity of the moment they were sharing together.

“I’ll have to thank Rin, then.” was all Sousuke said. He didn’t need to say anything else, Makoto understood. He felt delicate fingertips brushing the tears from his cheeks and eyelashes before being pulled into a tight hug.

“I love you.” Makoto said simply, still holding Sousuke in his arms.

“I love you.” Sousuke breathed into his lovers chest.

 

* * *

 

Sousuke ignored the first buzz of his phone in favor of grabbing the last of the brightly colored chocolate bar and a can of soda. When his phone decides to buzz again at the notification, he has already checked out of the store and is sitting in his car.

His body doesn’t know how to react when he sees that Makoto has texted him a simple ‘Hey’ after not speaking to each other for over a month, his mind doesn’t know how to react either. Sousuke stares at the text for a moment, muling over how to respond-if even-for a few brief seconds. Should he just send back a ‘hey’ and let Makoto say what he needs to say?

He thinks about it for another few seconds before responding, the words ‘i miss you’ written out and sent, without a second guess. He decides it’s time he finally grows up enough to share his feelings with Makoto, even if they weren’t on the best of terms. He was sick of feeling so dejected and sad over something he had full control over, he was sick of thinking he didn’t have a say in his own life. He couldn’t understand why he’d let it go this long, why he couldn’t have taken initiative and apologized sooner.

_‘Sou, please come home.’_

The text sent a flood of relief through his muscles, relaxing instantly at not having his feelings rejected. Not yet at least. Sousuke didn’t even respond to the message before he tore out of the store parking lot and back to his home with Makoto. He was ready to face whatever was waiting for him, good or bad.

His confidence had taken a steep decline by the time he had reached the front door, there was no way he could ever prepare himself for Makoto actually walking out on him. He thinks that’s why he had walked out of his own apartment in the first place, so Makoto couldn’t do it himself. Sousuke’s world had always been leave, or be left. He steadied himself, hoping that he could leave that world behind him and welcome a new, more open world for himself. One where he actually communicated with the people that cared about him and he didn’t cause unnecessary hurt and pain.

Before he could even knock, the door swung open revealing a shocked Makoto. He looked like he had just thrown on whatever clothes he could find that were appropriate for the cold weather.  He was probably about to run out and find Sousuke, due to his lack of a response in their earlier conversation, thinking he was trying to turn tail instead of talking everything out like a normal person.. Upon closer inspection he could tell that at least two items of clothing Makoto was currently wearing were his own, which also helped settle his nerves. He took a quick gulp, mirroring Makoto’s own actions at the same moment.

“I’m sorry.” they said in unison, the same melancholy sound emitting from their voices.

Sousuke looked past Makoto and into the apartment, trying to avoid eye contact while he sorted his thoughts out. If he looked at Makoto again without knowing where to take the conversation, he might end up just hauling the other man into the bedroom and not even talking at all. He’d always heard makeup sex was the best kind of sex.

He didn’t come here to act like a pig again. He clenched his jaw slightly before turning to Makoto, he steeled his resolve to actually take initiative and talk something through for once, he finally spoke again. “I messed up, I know. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to apologize to you enough,” he held out his hand in a sign of truce, “Will you please take me back?”

Before he could even blink, Makoto had swatted his hand away. He felt the other man’s body weight crash into him, lips clashing together a bit violently. Makoto could have knocked one of his teeth out and he wouldn’t have cared in this moment, all the heartache he’d felt over the past month washed away in that moment. Makoto had both hands on either side of his face, blubbering on as he continued to give Sousuke short kisses, muttering his response in between each peck.

“Of course I will, of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally burned the midnight oil writing this one, was up until 4:30am finishing this chapter and had work at 6am. Comments are very much appreciated 
> 
>  
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> 
> also make up sex?? lemme know( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	3. Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I love you, Yamazaki Sousuke.” he said in a hushed tone, knowing Sousuke hated being called by his last name. But, he meant it, he loved the man laying on top of him and he loved his name. He loved the name ‘Yamazaki Sousuke’ for all that it meant, for all of how it made ‘Sousuke’ into being the person he is today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dramatic conclusion! Here it is ya’ll, if you like it, please comment and kudos! 
> 
> I’m uploading this chapter on my mobile, So I’ll definitely tweak any formatting errors/general shittiness/grammatical errors when I get my hands back on my laptop anyway, here’s the story :))

Despite the apartment technically being under Sousuke’s name, Makoto could tell the man sitting across from him on the bed was uncomfortable. Sousuke hadn’t actually been into the apartment in over a month, as far as he knew but, he didn’t understand why he was acting so strange right now. They’d already apologized to each other so he couldn’t be worried about rejection.

“Sousuke,” he broke the borderline uncomfortable silence in the room, “Are you alright?”

Sousuke looked up at him and gave an affirmative grunt as Mochi settled into his lap. The response didn’t really give Makoto any answers to why Sousuke was acting so off. “You don’t still think that I meant what I said, do you?”

The quickness of Sousuke’s response caught him off guard, he could tell he was being genuine by the authoritative note to his answer ‘No’. Makoto couldn’t figure out why Sousuke was acting so fidgety for the life of him.

“I didn’t think anyone could possibly love me, I was so broken because of my father. I let it get to me and I nearly destroyed our relationship. I wasn’t fair to you.” Sousuke finally decided to explain, “It hurt a lot, to hear you say what you did but, I shouldn’t have stormed out like I did. You begged me to stay and I left. I didn’t want you to see me cry.”

“I’ve seen you cry before.” was all Makoto could muster, he knew what Sousuke had meant though. Yes, he’d seen Sousuke cry before but, he’d only seen happy tears. He tried not to imagine Sousuke crying over him as much as possible over the course of the last month, it made him cry just thinking about it.

“My father,” Sousuke started hesitantly, “He wasn’t a good guy. For as long as I remember, he told me that I was a bastard, a mistake. He always degraded me, when he thought I was acting out of line, sometimes for what seemed like no reason at all. He made me a fearful person, committed to keeping his abuse quiet and forcing me to wear a smile while I did.”

“Sou…” he wasn’t sure what he had wanted to say to the other man. He supposes it’s because he’s in a bit of shock, just observing the difference in Sousuke’s demeanor talking about his father now, compared to when they had fought. He didn’t sense any anger coming from Sousuke at the moment, just a quiet mourning over the relationship with his father that never seemed to exist in the first place. He just sat on the bed, focusing on petting the small cat curled up in his lap.

“By the time I was twelve, my father was already set on trying to turn me into the swimmer he couldn’t be.  He had started coaching me personally that year though, since he didn’t feel I was at his standard of perfection. I already knew how he felt about me for a long time by then, he always voiced his disdain for me while my mother was too strung out on anxiety medication to notice.”

Makoto flinched at the new information regarding Sousuke’s mother, he’d basically been raised by solely by his abusive father.

“He started taking me to the rec center every week day to improve my times, I thought if I complied he’d start to like me more. He’d started drinking heavily a few weeks before he began taking me to the pool, though. By the end of the first week he’d done nothing but yell at me and drink liquor from the water bottle he always had in his car, I was so frustrated and upset that this wasn’t enough for him. I was so tired trying to keep up with the school work and my father, so my times dropped by 10 seconds from Thursday to Friday. He just yelled at me when I came out of the pool from my final try to beat my own times, he never had anything nice to say. I remember it so clearly, crying because of his words, the stench of alcohol on his breath stung my nose.”

Makoto shifted closer to Sousuke, who remained petting their cat. Even if Sousuke was calm talking about this, it didn’t make it any less painful for him. Makoto himself was on the verge of tears, remembering exactly what story was about to be shared with him.

“God, had that pissed him off, me crying.” Sousuke let out a hollow chuckle, as if he was imagining himself recounting some silly story that caused him to get grounded for a few days, not physically abused. “He grit his teeth and drug me out to the back of the building by my arm. I had no idea what was going on, when he lit his cigarette. I thought he was just going to have a smoke, I knew he did it often. I was still fussing around when he yanked my wrist towards him and put a cigarette out on me for the first time. When I screamed, he backhanded me across the face and told me to shut up.”

Tears fell down Makoto’s cheeks, accompanying the disgusted feeling in the pit of his stomach. Sousuke looked like he was also having trouble keeping his composure now. He reached a hand out, placing it on Sousuke’s arm, caressing the discolored skin on the outside of his forearm. He almost wished he never knew about Sousuke’s past, it hurt him knowing that he was treated the way he was. What kind of sick monster slapped their twelve year old son in the face? He felt nauseous now, visualizing a young Sousuke screaming in pain while a small patch of his skin was burnt off.

“That was the day I learned how to keep my feelings to myself.” Sousuke told him, reverting back to his calm state before doing so.

“You must have been… terrified.” Obviously, Makoto.

“Almost as terrified as I was when I realized that had I spilled all of my dirty laundry in front of you.” Sousuke closed his eyes and let out a ‘tch’, before continuing. “I wasn’t ready to tell you, I wasn’t expecting to drop it on you all at once, I wasn’t expecting to tell you until years from now. I spent my entire life in fear of letting people in, because of him, it wasn’t any different with Rin either, or you.”

“Oh.” he wasn’t going to try hide the hurt in his voice, even if he did understand Sousuke’s reasons.

“That wasn’t fair to you though, I realized that after you told me off. I was playing the victim, it’s the only role I was used to being in. You had every reason to yell at me the way you did. I was being jackass, I can’t believe I said such nasty things to you.” Sousuke had completely stilled from petting Mochi now but, his body was shaking like a leaf in the wind. Makoto laced his fingers through Sousuke’s, squeezing to let him know he wasn’t going anywhere. “I-I was acting just like him.”

He wasn’t expecting that at all. He wasn’t expecting Sousuke to start sobbing like he now was, turning so suddenly to fall into Makoto’s chest that Mochi bolted off of his lap.

“I’m so sorry, Makoto.” Sousuke cried into his own sweatshirt that Makoto was wearing, “I don’t want to be him, I don’t want to turn into him.”

For a second, he had no idea what to do. He couldn’t believe Sousuke was currently gripping at the clothing on his body for dear life while violent sobs wracked through his body. It took all Makoto’s strength not to start crying with the other man, instead wrapping his arms tightly around Sousuke, pulling him close as humanly possible. He could almost feel all of Sousuke’s pain and sadness come fuming out of him, curling through the air around them.

“Sousuke.” Makoto spoke over the loud volume of sobs, he needed to make sure what he was about to say would be heard. “You are not your father. You are so much more than your father could ever dream of being. You are hard working, compassionate, gentle, and nothing like that man.”

He words seemed to calm Sousuke down slightly, enough for his volume to descend a few decibels and his body to stop shaking so badly. He loosened his bear hug on the other man and used his hand to pull Sousuke’s face off from his chest. Now, looking into Sousuke’s bloodshot eyes, he felt like he could get through to him.

“You are the love of my life, no argument is going to change that. You know that your father is a heinous person, you know his story. Tell me, does anyone love him, in the way that I love you? Does he have friends that care enough to stay with him through the thick of it? No one could ever care for such a nasty person in a way that so many people care about you. He wouldn’t know what love is if it punched him in the face.” Makoto so wished he could punch Sousuke’s father in the face right now, for all the pain he’s caused Sousuke.

Sousuke stared at him, his droopy eyes wider than saucers at the moment. He felt his body being yanked into Sousuke’s tight embrace and a deep inhale at the crown of his head. “Don’t leave me,” Sousuke pleaded, rocking Makoto back and forth, along with his own body. “Please don’t ever leave me by myself. Please.”

Sousuke had no reason to beg him, he wasn’t going anywhere. “Only if you promise me the same.”

“Never, never, never. I’ll never leave your side again” Sousuke repeated, burying his face into Makoto’s hair. They sat in silence for a few minutes, still holding onto each other, the only noise in the apartment coming from Mochi jumping up on the counter. “Thank you, Mako.”

He didn’t know what Sousuke was thanking him for but, the amount of raw emotion contained in his voice made Makoto choke up a bit.

“You mean so much to me.” Sousuke spoke again, running his fingers through the hair at the base of Makoto’s neck and pulling him closer with his other arm. “You saved my life, you know. I probably would have turned into a heartless grump if it wasn’t for you. I was so cold before I met you.”

It was hard not to start crying, at least a little bit, listening to Sousuke right now. Especially after everything that had just happened in the short amount of time since Sousuke came back to their home.

“I never would have known.” he sniffled back to Sousuke. He really wouldn’t have, meeting him in his bar that night. The gentle conversations they had throughout the night of his birthday celebration, the not so gentle attraction forming between the two of them as time went by. Even the morning after, Sousuke hadn’t just left before the sun rose.

“You make it so easy.” Sousuke told him before humming into his hair, “To be happy.”

Makoto couldn’t listen to Sousuke go on, neither of them needed to be crying anymore tonight. Lifting his head, he met Sousuke’s lips  tentatively.

“Will you please take me back?” Sousuke asked against his lips, holding back the urge to start kissing Makoto senseless.

“Of course, you idiot.”

That was all it took for Sousuke to kiss him, soon he had found himself falling onto on the mattress behind him, while Sousuke’s tongue continued to roam around his mouth hotly. The feeling was so alien to him, going weeks without so much as seeing his lover. His brain was going fuzzy, everything about Sousuke intoxicating him into the hazy state he was in. Sousuke’s left hand reached up to cup his cheek, moving his kisses away from Makoto’s mouth and focusing them all over his face.

“I missed you.” Sousuke gave him a kiss on the cheek, “I missed you so goddamn much.” He kissed Makoto on the forehead, over his eyebrow, and about 10 more times on the side of his face.

“I missed you too, so much.” he gasped out as the other left open mouth kisses down his neck. Being in such intimate contact with Sousuke after so long made him dizzy and he felt uncomfortably hard in his jeans. For a split second he wished Sousuke would just get to the point but, then he felt Sousuke’s rock-hard length grind against his own. Electricity shot through him from the newfound friction between the two of them, his brain was turning into mush every second that Sousuke continued to suck on each inch of his exposed neck. “I want you, Sousuke.”

His words fell on deaf ears, as Sousuke was taking his sweet time. He was biting at the juncture between his neck and collar, stretching the hell out of the neck of his sweatshirt in the process.

“Sou,” Makoto begged his lover silently, hands clutching at Sousuke’s arms tightly while his hands pulled at the bottom of his sweatshirt. “Please.”

Sousuke’s t-shirt soon joined his own on the floor and the other man climbed back on top of him, Makoto wondered how he went so long without the other man. He missed this all so much, sex, holding, being held, even just talking. His body had missed Sousuke’s presence around him in general and he felt overwhelmed by the skin to skin contact between their chests, as Sousuke left angry red marks down his throat. He couldn’t stifle the moan that had escaped his lips when Sousuke bit down on his collar bone, smoothing over the irritated skin with his tongue soon after.

“I missed you so much, baby.” Sousuke crooned into his heated skin, sending another jolt to Makoto’s erection at the use of the pet name. He missed his partners deep voice, both the electrifying and soothing effect it had on him. His face felt like it was on fire as Sousuke continued to whisper sweet nothings into his skin, reaching down to rub Makoto’s aching member. He couldn’t help but gasp, missing the feeling of Sousuke’s hand wrapping around him.

“Please, please!” he managed to squeak out, feeling himself reach the point of no return so early into their encounter, “ I can’t wait, Sou. I want you, I want y-”

He couldn’t finish even finish begging before Sousuke’s mouth came crashing back to his, making quick work of the zipper and trying to shove both his pants and underwear past Makoto’s knees.  His hands flew to Sousuke’s back, nails digging into the flexing muscles as Sousuke started to jerk his hand up and down his cock. He couldn't believe how good his lover's hand felt, stroking him like this. When the friction coming from the other man’s hand soon vanished and he immediately reached for the waistline of Sousuke’s pants, helping them off his lover’s hips. He felt himself twitch when Sousuke’s member was finally out of the confines of his underwear, he was still as large and perfect as Makoto remembered. He shivered, staring at the man hovering above him, his whole body was on fire and his mind was in a daze. He fumbled with the handle of the nightstand, sloppily pulling out a bottle of lube and opening the cap, squirting the viscous fluid onto Sousuke’s waiting fingers.

The room nearly shook at the screams he let out when Sousuke’s prodding fingers pushed into him, scissoring in and out to try to stretch Makoto out enough to fit himself in later. Fingers brushed against his chest, passing over his erect nipples every once in awhile to illicit breathy gasps from Makoto’s mouth. His hand soon found Sousuke’s erection, pumping it as Sousuke added another finger. Though the other man slumped at the sudden attention his aching cock was now receiving, still his fingers never faltered driving into Makoto’s ass. He let out another scream into their room as Sousuke’s fingers continued to brush against his sweet spot, his lover’s experienced hands knowing exactly where to go with every stroke in. He jerked Sousuke faster, trying to coax the man into hurrying up and just get inside of him already. The ignored sexual frustration he’d kept pent up during the month they hadn’t seen each other was coming to a boil in his balls and he didn’t want to waste time on foreplay. He missed Sousuke so much, he just wanted to be connected to him again in every way possible.

“Sou!” he moaned loudly as the other man’s fingers passed over his prostate once again before pulling his fingers out of Makoto completely. He whimpered at the loss and arched his hips to try to keep Sousuke’s hand inside of him, hating the empty feeling he was now experiencing.

“I know baby, I know. I want you too.” Sousuke’s deep voice rumbled into his ear, he could hear the faint sound of the cap on the lube being reopened behind the baritone voice of his partner. He only heard one more sentence before Sousuke pushed himself in and white cleared out his vision. “I’ll make this so good for you.”

He felt his entire body go stiff when Sousuke sank inside of him fully, tears stinging at the corners of his eyes from the sheer size. He heard Sousuke curse under his breath as Makoto’s hole clamped down on his cock, almost painfully tight around him.  He screamed out into the emptiness of their bedroom, his nails digging into Sousuke’s back so hard that he broke skin, he prayed that his lover would move soon. He wiggled around, trying to create some kind of movement but, Sousuke’s hands held his hips down firmly.

“Relax baby, I can’t move until you relax.” he said, kissing away the tears rolling down the sides of Makoto’s face. Even though he could hear, he kept trying to move his hips, the full feeling of Sousuke inside of him was driving him crazy. His body begged for more but, Sousuke wouldn’t give it to him yet. Frustrated tears began spilling from his eyes freely, he wanted his boyfriend to move so badly, to fuck him right into the bed.

“Sousuke, please move!” he cried out desperately, trying to let his body relax enough to make it possible but, the mess of emotions he had been feeling throughout the night was making it damn near impossible. Sousuke hushed him, rubbing circles into his hip with one hand and holding his face with the other, kissing the tears off of him. His lips were pulled into another kiss, slower and less hungry than the ones they’d previously shared, Sousuke slowly running his tongue over Makoto’s own and sucking at his bottom lip. He brought his hands to the back of his lover’s head, pulling him deeper into the heated kiss. Slowly, his body relaxed as he melted into Sousuke’s lips, putting the raging desire that had filled him in the backseat of his mind.

“Let me show you how much I missed you.” Sousuke muttered into his mouth, his words breaking through the wet sounds of the kiss. With a sudden movement, he pulled out and then snapped his hips into Makoto, bliss running through his entire body. His toes curled when Sousuke thrust into him again, another slow rolling of his hips into Makoto’s own.

The small noises that escaped his lips with each movement of Sousuke’s hips did nothing to explain the amount of pleasure he was feeling right now. The slow rocking of Sousuke’s hips, the sound of skin against skin, it was all too much for him to be able to speak. He was reduced to a shaking mess of gasps and moans, shuddering everytime Sousuke hit his prostate.

“Don’t leave me again, don’t make me go without you again.” he finally managed to rasp out, even though he could feel himself getting closer and closer to falling over the edge of sanity, into one of the biggest orgasms he’s ever experienced.

“Mako…” Sousuke groaned deeply above him, a growl leaving his throat shortly after. His hand started stroking Makoto’s neglected erection slowly, accelerating his inevitable release. He felt white hot pleasure coiling inside of himself as Sousuke continued to groan out his name loudly. Sousuke came first, continuing to rock his hips into Makoto’s after spilling his load inside of him. A violent shock ran through his own body at the continuous stimulation of both his prostate and cock, clinging to Sousuke desperately, legs shaking as he came onto his lover’s chest.

Sousuke collapsed on top of him, he could feel cum spill out and onto the sheets when Sousuke removed himself from inside. They both took harsh breaths, trying to fill their lungs with enough oxygen to stop their bodies from shaking so strongly. He kissed Sousuke’s sweaty forehead between his own panting, body finally coming down from the orgasm. Sousuke nuzzled into his touch, rubbing his cheek up to Makoto’s lips for a kiss.

“I can’t believe you’re really mine.” the deep baritone of Sousuke’s voice spoke directly into Makoto’s ear in a low whisper. He opened his eyes for this, to look Sousuke in the face and he saw one last small tear fall from his lover’s lashes. Sousuke quickly wiped it away before grabbing the sides of Makoto’s face, forcing the two of them into a short-lived staring contest. The first thing that had attracted him to Sousuke were his eyes, a burning turquoise color that instantly set him apart from everyone else in the bar. He’d later text Haru to tell him  _‘I had sex with the bartender last night, he’s_ _huge!! He had the dreamiest teal eyes and he stayed for breakfast!!!’_ after he had spent the whole morning looking into those same eyes. They way those eyes were staring at him right now, they were filled with so much love and passion, shining with a deep admiration that Makoto understood when he looked back at his lover.

He never wanted to leave this moment, as Sousuke pulled him in to leave kisses on his lips. Makoto felt overcome with with a giddy feeling in his chest, unable to keep the smallest grin from his face as Sousuke continued to shower him with kisses. When Sousuke stopped, he just stated back into Makoto’s eyes, a full smile adorning his mouth.

“I love you, Yamazaki Sousuke.” he said in a hushed tone, knowing Sousuke hated being called by his last name. But, he meant it, he loved the man laying on top of him and he loved his name. He loved the name _‘Yamazaki Sousuke’_ for all that it meant, for all of how it made  _‘Sousuke’_ into being the person he is today.

“I love you, Tachibana Makoto. Every single piece and part of you.” Sousuke replied, a sound of deep content filling his tone as he hugged closer to one more time.

“We should clean up, the sheets and ourselves.” Sousuke grumbled as he pushed himself off of Makoto, scuttling off to the laundry room. “I’ll grab the sheets, you’ll start the shower? Pick a movie you want to watch, maybe I can pick up some dessert?”

He gave a soft sigh, they did need to wash both themselves and the sheets. “Yes, I will start the shower. Do you want to watch a movie on the couch?”

“As long as I’m with you.” was Sousuke’s brief reply, looking back to Makoto and smiling fondly.

_“As long as I’m with you.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s actually done now guys, I had a lot of fun writing this and I put a lot of time into it, so thank you to all who read and commented!
> 
> this piece is definitely the first and last story i writing as a ‘sexy angst’ writer, so I hope this story is fulfilling for you guys.
> 
> remember to comment!!

**Author's Note:**

> A way less angsty and fluffier chapter should be making its way to you soon.


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